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If you just ask your partner to spank you, you may not get what you want. Once you get specific, you can both relax into your roles and are far more likely to have the sexual experience you're truly craving.

If you can't have an honest conversation about something, you probably aren't ready to try it out. Many people who are new to BDSM make the mistake of trying out a lot of new things at once.

This makes it hard to figure out what you like and what you dislike. If you like it, you can add in light bondage.

It's essential to set clear boundaries each time you explore BDSM together. You both need to know what will and won't happen.

It's much easier to relax into new sensations and surrender if you aren't worried about what to anticipate next.

Do you want sexual stimulation before, during, or after? Is hair-pulling OK? Is there anything you want your partner to call you? Set clear boundaries and then stick to them.

You can always renegotiate next time. For those new to BDSM there's always the temptation to try very heavy sensation. But the idea of BDSM definitely got us going, and that night, my husband dominated me.

He held my hands over my head as we had sex, and I had to call him sir and ask permission before I touched him or had an orgasm. It was definitely hot, and something that we wanted to try again.

After that, I suggested we try something a little more Fifty Shades. We bought a pair of handcuffs, a blindfold, and a ball gag. Before we started, we came up with a gesture—me crossing my fingers—so he would know if it got too intense.

I had no idea whether he was going to spank me or pleasure me I never crossed my fingers—well, maybe I did metaphorically, but only because I was hoping we'd do it again.

I loved the feeling of totally giving up all control. But there were bumps in the road. One time I ended up crying when he spanked me because it hurt, but I didn't want him to stop—I would have felt like I had failed.

That's how we learned the importance of a safe word, and safety in general—no one wants to go to the ER with a sex injury.

So we attended workshops in our area to test out things like rope tying or flogging. It sounds silly, but you want someone to know how to do these things right.

And it's a sexy, out-of-the-box date night that almost always guarantees sex once you're home. We don't have BDSM-based sex every time, but having it as an option has added a much different layer to our bond.

Those often take time to process. Imagine being spanked for the first time and feeling pain during sex. While exhilarating, you and your partner should spend some time cuddling and reaffirming each other after sex is over to re-center.

It also is a way you and your partner can validate each other in your kink. Sometimes we feel apprehensive about expressing our innermost sexual identity for fear of judgment or rejection.

Some hugging and reassuring kisses go a long way in communicating acceptance. You can get more free content on relationship and sex tips by checking out my Youtube Channel — The Sex Healer.

If you know someone that would benefit from this information, feel free to share it. Life Coaching and Therapy LCAT is a relationship coaching and sex therapy practice that transforms our clients lives through our flexible, multi-technique approach and pleasure-skills training provided by systemically-trained and licensed therapists!

Our team of compassionate, licensed therapists and certified sex therapists help Millennials and Baby Boomers alike who visit us for a variety of relationship, intimacy and sex problems.

LCAT provides on-site appointments, as well as video chat and text therapy programs. For clients hoping to take their intimate lives to the next level through personalized coaching on YOUR terms, learn more about our Text Therapy Program.

Call or text us at or make an appointment. BDSM for Couples! June 19, By Amanda Pasciucco. I often compare sex to restaurant menu options. The same can be said of sex.

Some Things to Try! Edgeplay: Edgeplay refers to some of the kinkier sex out there.

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